SAFE HAVEN

Libraries and midnight blues,
sing their songs, a little quietly too.
Extending their arms,
calling out to you.
Come find home,
I'll see you soon.

Safe haven, a sacred paradise,
no pretence or faithful lies.
Guarded walls and storm inside?
Think no more, stay a while.

Lay off layer by layer,
ripping those memories apart.
Heal and breathe and then some,
break yourself and then create some.

A little worn and a little torn,
come in, and become whole.
This is your safe haven,
you and solitude.
Come find home,
I'll see you soon.

Superhero

She seemed like an ordinary girl,
With high hopes and dreams,
Her smile unfaltering and bright,
No one knew about the darkness inside.

Past had inked her heart,
A bruise that reminded her to stay afar.
For once, she was foolish enough,
And had let her open heart be a broken heart.

She held her head high,
And, pretended that she was made of ice.
For, her heart was stabbed not once,
But until it was empty inside. 

One day at a time,
She chanted, and moved on.
She pushed everyone away, no attachments,
She promised herself.

Care and concern suffocated her,
And, sweetness made her vary.
She kept searching for an ulterior motive,
And, wouldn't stop until she could think of any.

She could either be a victim, or her own superhero.
She chose the latter.

CAVING IN

Flaunting a smile,
while opening the door.
Cracking lame jokes,
little do they know.

I'm lost in my own world,
following a shadow.
Little by little,
I'm letting the darkness grow.

I'm caving in,
and locking out.
Everything that mattered once,
is now falling apart.

Blurred lines and broken walls,
tell the stories of,
lost battles and leftover scars.
I'm caving in, and blocking out.
What once was mine,
is now, lost.

GROWING UP

When I was a little girl, I wanted nothing more than being able to drive a car. I used to always ride shotgun, and imitate my dad while he handled the wheel with perfection. I couldn't wait to turn 18, and finally get my hands on the wheel, for real. My dad used to tell me, you don't know what you're asking for, being a responsible adult isn't as easy as ABC.  I used to laugh it off, thinking that he's was probably just messing with me, I mean, how difficult could it get?  Or was I missing something?

But oh boy, was I wrong.

I am not necessarily talking about turning 18, when I did, I didn't feel different, not even the slightest. I am talking about growing up all mind and soul, and not just physically, the process of the same, how the train of our thoughts twists, and turns as we grow up. School become college, peers become competition, emotions go hay-wire, overall life gets a little strange.

You will feel alone, tired, rejected, pathetic, hopeless, directionless, and all possible less', but they are just phases, and they'll pass. You will come upon this realization that you're all on your own, not that your parents aren't there for you, but your pride won't let you ask for help. You feel like you'll handle things, you'll get through. With time, you'll have to make choices that will determine how your future will shape out to be. Not scared yet? I'm not trying to be a sadist here, I'm just stating the truth. And, even after making a choice, there will be times when you'll feel like this isn't what you want for yourself, and along with making foolish decisions, you'll make mistakes too, and no matter how bad you want to go back in time, and correct them, you can't. You'll have blind faith in people, who will break your trust, you'll invest emotionally in people who will later just turn their back on you when you need help. Not only hopes, but you'll get your heart crushed too. You'll realize how difficult it is to choose between your priorities, and the priorities of your loved ones.

 You'll feel like there's no one who'll understand you, your fears, your insecurities. You'll bottle things up because they are your problems, and that you're just being silly, and you don't want to seem like an attention seeker, because despite the odds, you don't want to play the “victim” in your story. You'll feel detached and broken at times when the world is putting you down, and all the doors of hope get closed one-by-one. You will realize how cruel the real world is, ruthless in its attacks. You'll finally understand the phrase, “watch your back”, because you'll meet back-stabbers in people, who you thought could never cause you harm. You'll feel like you're stagnant, and the world is moving on, and it's not going to wait for you to be ready.

You'll realize that driving a car, doesn't only mean driving a car, it also means, taking responsibility for the lives of people who are seated along side you. It's quite different from being a pro in dashing car, mind you. One wrong move, and all is gone. (Here, the steering wheel of the car has a metaphorical resonance to the wheel of our life.)

But, in-spite of all this, time will makes things bearable, if not easier, and you will push through, and come out the other side, and realize that it may be a hell of a job, being an adult, a responsible one at that, but in the end, it'll all work out just fine.

Just remember, when you fall down, don't give up, get up, dust yourself, and move on. When the world comes crushing down on you, fight with all that you've got, stand up for what you think is right, there maybe a huge gap between what's right, and what's easy. Make a wise choice. Find your happiness in the little things. Don't be elated by success, or dejected by failure. Channelize your energy into something productive. Be surrounded by people who will hold you close during dark days, and share your happiness, and sorrow equally. Understand that, good times, or bad, it'll pass, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never be prepared for what life throws at you. Learn to accept, adapt, and change. Stop questioning the sequence of events, you'll only end up wasting your energy, learn to make the best out of  every situation,

Live your life, the way you want, just remember to make each day count, and when it all goes down, you won't end up with a frown.

I am just 19, and have a lot to learn yet.

THE OLD MAN OF THE HOUSE.

MISUNDERSTOOD. ALWAYS.

Yes, the old man of each house; a father, goes through this, and more, what for, you ask? Just to see a smile on his wife's face, when she hears about her child's achievements, just to see his child stand up on his, or her own feet. Just to leave this world knowing that the people he loves, and cares about, are doing fine, even in his absence.

And, this is what he gets in return.

He forgot my birthday. He didn't make it to my annual day. He is never there for me. He didn't fight for me. He yelled at me. He never takes me out. All he cares about, is his work. He does not have time for me. He always disapproves.

He doesn't understand me.

He does not have a heart.

He doesn't love me.

I hate him. 

All we think about is, what he didn't do, but do we appreciate, or even try and notice what he has done? Do we really make an effort to read between those harsh lines? Bother to look what lies inside? Or even try to comprehend as to why he couldn't make it to your x-y-z-D-day?

He's the one who tip-toes into your room in the middle of the night, just to check up on you. He's the one who'll stand in the side lines, and cry a little, when he learns about your success. He's the one who'll let you fall, and stand up, all on your own, even if kills him a little inside. He’s the one who’ll criticize you, on your face, and give you credit behind your back. He’s the one who works day-and-night, just to provide you with the things you want, the things you need. He’ll be your rock, he’ll absorb all your sadness, and fill your life with happiness, or at least he’ll try to. He won’t be all words, he won’t express his love, and he’ll let you learn the lessons the hard way, only because he knows how the world works, he knows that he won’t always be there to protect you. But, most of all, he's the one who'll never let your hatred towards him, lessen his affection for you.

So what, if he couldn’t teach you how to ride a bicycle? He was busy finishing the project that could earn him a promotion. So what, if he couldn’t remember your birthday? He was busy learning how to make a ppt. so that he could help you with your project. So what if, he couldn’t make it to your concert? He was working to the best of his abilities, so that he could afford the fees of the school, you’ve grown to adore. So what if, he couldn’t understand you? It’s his first time at being a dad, and even if you’re a second child, or the third, every child is different. If we, as children, are allowed to make mistakes, to misunderstand, so are they. I’m not saying that they’re always right, I’m just asking you to reconsider, to re-evaluate, to try and understand, that there might be a reason.

There could be a thousand things that could’ve gone wrong.

Cut your father some slack.

Every form of love is different from the other, don’t compare his love to someone else’s, because no matter what goes down, no matter how bad you screw up, he’s the one, who’ll always be there.

On behalf of all the children, KUDOS to all the fathers out there. I don’t know how you guys do it, because, to be honest, it’s a pretty scary job, being a father. Taking on the responsibility with a smile on your face, being strong, even when you’re about to break. We know that, bad things happen, and sometimes what happens isn’t your fault. 

We’re children, and sometimes, we believe what we see, we don’t know how the world works, we don’t know what you go through each day, and sometimes, we say things, that are mean, but we don’t mean, and also regret later on.

Forgive us.

Dear fathers, just know that, you can give your child everything that he/she wants, but sometimes, all your child wants, is you. Take a few days off, enjoy with your family while you can. Young minds do not understand until things are spelled out for them. Express your feelings. Skip a few meetings. Take photographs. Life is too short, to wait for the right time.

I was wanting to upload this on Father’s day, as a vote of thanks to my Daddy dearest. I don’t know how you handle my temper, my mood swings, and my obsession for stationery. I’m sorry, if I’ve ever let you down. I don’t say it often, because you already know, but anyway, I love you, Dadda. I always have, and I always will. 

Happy Father’s Day, to my superhero, without a cape.

P.S  I do not mean to hurt the anyone’s sentiments. 

YOU.

When I say you, I mean each and every one of you.

You, are the central character of your story, you, are the creator of your own destiny, you, are your own knight in shining armor. It all starts with, you.

It’s a human tendency to be self-critical and self-deprecating, to judge ourselves by a meter which is humanely impossible to impress, to concentrate on the negative aspect of everything about ourselves. We spend a lot of time criticizing ourselves, let’s spend these few minutes to appreciate who we are, what we have, our hidden potential and our existence.

Today, I want you to meet yourself under a different light, to love yourself a little more, to celebrate your flaws, your scars, your quirks, your obsessions, your phobias, I want you to celebrate, yourself.

How we tend to be so optimist about others and so pessimistic about ourselves, is something that never stops amusing me.

 It may sound crazy, but at this moment, think about everything that has bothered you about yourself; something that you’re not really proud of, something that has or will embarrass you, something that hits pretty close to home. Think about those words that have hurt you, or the scenes from your over-active imagination that manages to tear you apart.

I’m sure that more than 50% of you will agree that, if given an opportunity, you’d like to change something about yourself. Maybe your nose is too big, or maybe a few calories gone wouldn't harm, or your hair is too short or too frizzy. It’s okay to have insecurities, but the thing that makes it so crippling is that, we tend to hype about it. What we tend to forget is, while we are busy thinking about ourselves, wouldn't others be doing the same? Would they really have time to notice how small your eyes are, or big your nose is? 

 Even if they do, it’s one thing to be aware of how people feel about you. It is a WHOLE different can of worms when you are so concerned people won’t or don’t like you that you morph into a validation monster. You tend to impersonate someone else, and in doing so, you may gain something temporarily, but you’ll lose yourself forever. Your thoughts, your quirks define you, but as a matter of fact, your original self is often muffed, overwhelmed, even strangled, by other people’s expectations. You are who you are, you don’t need to change yourself for anyone, people who’re meant to be in your life, will accept you just the way you are. 

Your scars tell the stories of the battles that you have won.  Your obsessions set you apart from everyone, your flaws and phobias show room for improvement and make you seem real. All I’m saying is, cut yourself some slack, perfection is an illusion, just be perfectly imperfect and be happy. Being the best imperfect version of yourself is better than being a second rated version of someone else.

We tend to rely on people and their opinions a bit too much, and as much as you’d like to believe that a certain individual or a group of individuals will stay with you forever, it hardly happens. People will look out for themselves, but you’ll have to look out for yourself, fight your own battles, and be your own hero. You don’t need anyone to help you stand up, you don’t need pity or sympathy, you’re strong and that’s how you've survived for so long. You've struggled, you didn't have it easy, and there might have been times when you were completely lost, times when you almost gave up, but you didn't. Stand tall and proud, wear your story as your crown.

Someone will always be more pretty, more handsome, more intelligent, more hard working, but they’ll never be you, the bottom line is, you’re different, you’re unique, and if you ask me, that’s pretty awesome, you’re much more than you realize, you’re not worthless and stupid. We all have a different story, a different fate. How can we all be the same, when we’re designed for a life that is only meant for us? I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough, or putting ourselves down. We spend too much time with are heads down and our hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and enjoy this ride, called life.

 Someone doesn't like you? Having a bad day? Didn't get the job done? Someone bailed out on you? Losing control of everything and everyone? All of us go through this low phase in life, and when we do, self-pity is the worst thing you can do to yourself, don’t let hopelessness win over you. Tell yourself that, it’s okay. It’s okay to be a little lost, a little messed up, a little confused, things may not make any sense right now, but they will. Everything will be okay, tough times do not last forever, but staying in one place and whining about what’s wrong won’t help, get up, brush yourself and do what you’re supposed to do.

On a happy note, life is too short to be wasted, live a little, know that being mad at someone and holding grudges is silly. Don’t lose a friend because something happened, learn to forgive and forget. Have fun, do a happy dance once in a while, sing at the top of your lungs, don’t hold back a laugh. Dress how you want, say what’s on your mind. Be real, be you.

Hence I’d like to conclude by saying that, for not every shoe is meant for you, the pair that is, will take you through. Celebrate yourself. Keep Smiling. The most important person in your life is the one I started with. It all starts with, you. 

Neither attachment nor detachment.

Stuck somewhere in the middle,

Not too close, not too far,

It’s a safe place to be,

Neither attachment, nor detachment, is the key.

Not blocking everyone out,

Not letting anyone in,

Coward or smart, is the question, indeed.

It’s a safe place to be,

Neither attachment, nor detachment, is the key.

Getting hurt is not on my bucket list,

Losing potential memories, is not what I need, 

Safe and sound, aware of what’s going around,

It’s a safe place to be,

Neither attachment, nor detachment, is the key.

Walls with cracks, which haven’t given up yet,

A half open book, to be read,

I’m as safe as I’ll ever be,

Neither attachment, nor detachment, is the key.

A day that blew my mind and touched my heart.

Well, let’s begin with something I've kept on repeating since my birthday. “Earlier I didn't want to talk about my birthday, and now, I can’t seem to stop talking about it.” I've got a lot to say, so hear me rant. :P

So, my birthday started with, 5 idiots who, I call my best friends. They being my best friends were late and locked me up in my room so that they could decorate the living room. Some friends, I tell you. But, I wouldn't exchange them for the world. Those of you, who called me at 12, had to hear constant okay-bye’s, and you ask me who is to blame? After cutting the cake in front of family and friends, we called it a night. Oh, okay, we didn't. They made me burst 18 balloons, don’t ask me how, which had 18 different coupons for different occasions and made me read them out loud, out of which the most embarrassing one was uploaded on instagram, cue non-stop laughter. We ended up clicking web-cam photos for as long as our faces ached from making so many faces. :P Then we watched a horror movie, MIRRORS. By the time we realized, it was 6 a.m. and according to them they had to leave and were not free the whole day. Can you believe them? -.- Then I left to get Blu, a gift that has managed to find its way into my adoration, from the very first time I saw it. Thank you, mom and dad. So, for me that was it, I thought everything was done. But, BOOM. I was asked to accompany mom and dad to our office, but unfortunately, I was early, again to ruin yet another surprise, I entered the office and saw my favorite people, all together, at one place, blowing balloons. :P I had to act as if, I did not see anything and well, wait. Fun?; But, what counters the feeling of seeing everyone, all the people who've grown on you, all together cheering for you, chanting happy birthday wearing caps and masquerade-masks. I was honestly overwhelmed. Thank you, for making my day so memorable and celebrating my special day with me. 

Well, as I always say, it’s not the place or things you do that matters, but it’s the people who you are surrounded with is what matters. Thank you, for making me feel so loved, blessed, ecstatic and overwhelmed. Thank you for giving me a day, I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. There are friends and then there are best friends who become a part of your family, I’m lucky to have such an extended family. Best friends are hard to find, ‘cause the best one’s are already mine.  As they say, don’t count the number of days you breathe, count the number of days that took your breath away. 30th November, 2013, was most definitely, one those days that blew my mind and touched my heart.  

Unparallel Love.

Even when days, months and years will pass, 

even if we are staying apart, 
when I need someone by my side, 
and close my eyes, I see your face, 
dear mother.

I fight with you, I frustrate you,

I make you want to pull out your hair, 
but you never complained.
Even if I devote my life to your selfless love, 
it seems too small to be compared.

You're a candle,
that brightens up my life, 
which itself burns,
to give me light,
so that I can reach great heights.

I love you so much, that I wonder,
whether I'll be able to express it right,
this is but a small attempt,
to make you realize,
what you mean to me,

That is, nothing but my life.

I wrote this poem in the 8th grade for my mother's birthday. I firmly believe that there's no love in the world that can parallel to a mother's love for her child.

VOID

Inspired by Oprah's interview with Lindsay Lohan.

Devoid of all the emotions,
is a world of my own.
Where chaos is comfortable,
and silence is bliss.

Where possessions mean nothing,
and formalities seem foreign.
Where emptiness feels like home,
And numbness is a drug, people crave.

There's a dull ache that keeps on lingering,
it's detachment taking its toll, I guess.
Aimless. Directionless. I wander around,
To find a place and stand my ground.
There's a void inside that eats me up, I can tell.

Heartless, they call me,
But, do I care? 
Failed attempts and regrets consume me,
It's like a maze with a missing outlet,
Yet, they are the one's with a story to tell.